He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
