I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
