her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
