I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
