just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I wish life had little blips of pornography
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
