white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
