I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She told me I should be a condom model.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
