Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
