he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
