Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
