i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
