remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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