I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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