Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
