thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Randomize
