i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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