cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
