We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
