I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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