I showed him my bush... on skype.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
