theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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