I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
