I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
