you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
stop calling my apartment porn island.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
