aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
