I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
