I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
