I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
