I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
