Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
