dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
