He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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