Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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