Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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