Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
