WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
