i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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