I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
