I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
