I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
