My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
