The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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