Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
