Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
