I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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