We won't sleep together?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Hello my rib-scented angel!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
