my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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