Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She told me I should be a condom model.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
