a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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