Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
