dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
