I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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