Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
