In the future we'll all be gay
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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