So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
