i wish my penis had a tongue
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
