you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
