you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
